# Communication skills: SOLER and the seventeen

99 of your 780 hours go here, more than any disorder gets, because skills, not knowledge, are what the client experiences. Non-verbal skills open the door; verbal skills do the work.

## The non-verbal foundation

Before a single skill, the body is already speaking. Non-verbal presence does three jobs: it makes the room feel **safe**, it shows **congruence**, and it **co-regulates**.

It makes the room safe because a calm, receptive stance tells a nervous client that nothing here will be judged. It shows congruence: when your words and your posture agree, the client trusts both; when they disagree, the client believes the posture. It co-regulates: a grounded posture, steady breathing and a gentle voice slowly settle an activated client, the way a calm adult settles a frightened child.

**SOLER**

- **S**it squarely facing the client
- **O**pen posture (no crossed arms)
- **L**ean slightly toward them
- **E**ye contact, natural and culturally tuned
- **R**elax
Around it sit three more channels.

- *Affirming*: nodding and humming "hmm"
- *Silence*: the hardest skill, waiting while the client finds words
- *Observation*: posture, tears held back, hands, and what is not said
Nepali tuning matters here. Sustained direct eye contact from a young counselor to an elder, or across gender, can read as disrespect; soften it. A client may talk most freely while looking away.

Beyond SOLER, four channels carry most of what a client reads in you. None of them needs a number attached; they need attention.

**A worked example:** A counselor named Sunita meets a client who speaks softly and avoids eye contact. Sunita sits at an angle, keeps her hands visible, and lets silence stand for ten seconds. The client gradually says, "I have never told anyone this." The non-verbal choices made space; the words followed.

| Channel | Do | Watch out |
| --- | --- | --- |
| Body and face | Small, timed nods that say "go on"; a face that stays warm and matches the client's tone; let your posture follow theirs a little rather than sit like a statue | The flicker of shock, disgust or judgement on your face when trauma or a stigmatised act is disclosed; the client sees it before you feel it |
| Voice | Warm, unhurried; slow down and soften in the intense moments; let a pause stand, the client is working in it | Filling every silence; speeding up when you are anxious; a bright cheerful tone over heavy material |
| Space | About an arm's length or more, tuned to the person and the culture; sit at an angle or side by side, nothing between you: no desk, no file on your lap | A desk between you turns the session into an interview; crowding a trauma survivor, or a woman meeting a male counselor, closes the door |
| Touch | Only if culturally safe and asked for. Warmth travels through voice, face and posture; those are enough | A hand on the shoulder can revive a trauma, blur the boundary, or offend across gender or caste; when in doubt, offer water instead |

## The verbal seventeen: with one example each

Nine of these seventeen are worked in full, with steps, phrases and the mistakes to avoid: the five reflecting skills on [Listening back: reflecting skills](https://manoatlas.com/skills-listening.md), the four change skills on [Moving forward: change skills](https://manoatlas.com/skills-moving.md). The other eight live only in this table.

| Skill | What it is | Sounds like |
| --- | --- | --- |
| Questioning | Open questions invite; closed questions confirm | "What was that time like for you?" vs "Did you sleep?" |
| Paraphrasing | Their content, your fresh words | "So since the loan came due, the nights are the worst." |
| Reflection of feeling | Naming the emotion under the words | "You sound frightened, and a little angry too." |
| Reflection of meaning | Naming what it means to them | "Failing the exam feels like failing your whole family." |
| Repetition of key words | Echo the loaded word to open it | Client: "…then everything finished." You: "Finished?" |
| Summarising | Gathering threads at turns and closings | "Let me pull together the three things you've named…" |
| Challenge | Gently naming a contradiction | "You say it doesn't matter, yet you cry when you say it." |
| Feedback | Sharing what you observe, without verdicts | "Today you looked at the floor when your father came up." |
| Information giving | Accurate, needed, digestible facts | "Panic symptoms are frightening but not dangerous: here is why." |
| Self-disclosure | A brief, purposeful sliver of your own experience: for the client's sake, rarely | "I too left my village for work; the first months were hard." |
| Psychoeducation | Teaching the mechanism behind the symptom | The fight-or-flight body map of [Fear: the foundation](https://manoatlas.com/foundation.md), drawn on paper |
| Brainstorming | Generating options before judging any | "List every possibility first, even the silly ones." |
| Suggest and fade | Offer an option, hand ownership back | "Some people try X: what would fit you?" |
| Empathy | Feeling-with communicated accurately | Not "I understand" but proving it in your reflection |
| Consoling & appropriate touch | Water, tissue, presence; touch only if culturally safe | Silence + offered water often consoles more than words |
| Interpreting non-verbals | Reading and gently naming body signals | "Your fists closed when we mentioned the school." |
| Active listening | The umbrella: all of the above, together, honestly | The client's test: "Did this person actually hear me?" |

The micro-skills ladder. The two highlighted steps, attending and reflecting, carry most of a session; questioning comes third on purpose. Beginners reverse the order and interrogate.

Key points

1. Skills, not knowledge, are what the client experiences; 99 of the 780 course hours are spent here.
2. Non-verbal attending (posture, eye contact, silence) opens the door; verbal skills (reflecting, paraphrasing, open questions, summarising) do the work.
3. Reflect feeling before content; the client should hear their own words come back warmer and clearer.
Learn more

Pick one, not all.

Book**Gerard Egan, The Skilled Helper: ch. on attending & listening**: SOLER comes from this book.

Practice**Record a 10-minute role-play with a classmate**: count your open vs closed questions; nothing teaches faster.


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*Source: https://manoatlas.com/skills · Licence: CC BY-NC-SA 4.0. Mano Atlas is an educational resource, not a diagnostic tool.*